Scene 1
Enter Duke , Thurio , and Proteus .
DUKE
Sir Thurio , give us leave , I pray , awhile ;
We have some secrets to confer about .
Thurio exits .
Now tell me , Proteus , what’s your will with me ?
PROTEUS
My gracious lord , that which I would discover
The law of friendship bids me to conceal ,
But when I call to mind your gracious favors
Done to me , undeserving as I am ,
My duty pricks me on to utter that
Which else no worldly good should draw from me .
Know , worthy prince , Sir Valentine my friend
This night intends to steal away your daughter ;
Myself am one made privy to the plot .
I know you have determined to bestow her
On Thurio , whom your gentle daughter hates ,
And should she thus be stol’n away from you ,
It would be much vexation to your age .
Thus , for my duty’s sake , I rather chose
To cross my friend in his intended drift
Than , by concealing it , heap on your head
A pack of sorrows which would press you down ,
Being unprevented , to your timeless grave .
[93]ACT 3. SC. 1
DUKE
Proteus , I thank thee for thine honest care ,
Which to requite command me while I live .
This love of theirs myself have often seen ,
Haply when they have judged me fast asleep ,
And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
Sir Valentine her company and my court .
But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
And so , unworthily , disgrace the man —
A rashness that I ever yet have shunned —
I gave him gentle looks , thereby to find
That which thyself hast now disclosed to me .
And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this ,
Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested ,
I nightly lodge her in an upper tower ,
The key whereof myself have ever kept ,
And thence she cannot be conveyed away .
PROTEUS
Know , noble lord , they have devised a mean
How he her chamber-window will ascend
And with a corded ladder fetch her down ;
For which the youthful lover now is gone ,
And this way comes he with it presently ,
Where , if it please you , you may intercept him .
But , good my lord , do it so cunningly
That my discovery be not aimèd at ;
For love of you , not hate unto my friend ,
Hath made me publisher of this pretense .
DUKE
Upon mine honor , he shall never know
That I had any light from thee of this .
PROTEUS
Adieu , my lord . Sir Valentine is coming .
Proteus exits .
[95]ACT 3. SC. 1
Enter Valentine .
DUKE
Sir Valentine , whither away so fast ?
VALENTINE
Please it your Grace , there is a messenger
That stays to bear my letters to my friends ,
And I am going to deliver them .
DUKE
Be they of much import ?
VALENTINE
The tenor of them doth but signify
My health and happy being at your court .
DUKE
Nay then , no matter . Stay with me awhile ;
I am to break with thee of some affairs
That touch me near , wherein thou must be secret .
’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter .
VALENTINE
I know it well , my lord , and sure the match
Were rich and honorable . Besides , the gentleman
Is full of virtue , bounty , worth , and qualities
Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter .
Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him ?
DUKE
No . Trust me , she is peevish , sullen , froward ,
Proud , disobedient , stubborn , lacking duty ,
Neither regarding that she is my child
Nor fearing me as if I were her father ;
And may I say to thee , this pride of hers ,
Upon advice , hath drawn my love from her ,
And where I thought the remnant of mine age
Should have been cherished by her childlike duty ,
I now am full resolved to take a wife
And turn her out to who will take her in .
Then let her beauty be her wedding dower ,
For me and my possessions she esteems not .
[97]ACT 3. SC. 1
VALENTINE
What would your Grace have me to do in this ?
DUKE
There is a lady in Verona here
Whom I affect ; but she is nice , and coy ,
And nought esteems my agèd eloquence .
Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor —
For long agone I have forgot to court ;
Besides , the fashion of the time is changed —
How and which way I may bestow myself
To be regarded in her sun-bright eye .
VALENTINE
Win her with gifts if she respect not words ;
Dumb jewels often in their silent kind
More than quick words do move a woman’s mind .
DUKE
But she did scorn a present that I sent her .
VALENTINE
A woman sometime scorns what best contents her .
Send her another ; never give her o’er ,
For scorn at first makes after-love the more .
If she do frown , ’tis not in hate of you ,
But rather to beget more love in you .
If she do chide , ’tis not to have you gone ,
Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone .
Take no repulse , whatever she doth say ;
For ‘get you gone’ she doth not mean ‘away .’
Flatter and praise , commend , extol their graces ;
Though ne’er so black , say they have angels’ faces .
That man that hath a tongue , I say , is no man
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman .
DUKE
But she I mean is promised by her friends
Unto a youthful gentleman of worth
And kept severely from resort of men ,
That no man hath access by day to her .
[99]ACT 3. SC. 1
VALENTINE
Why , then , I would resort to her by night .
DUKE
Ay , but the doors be locked and keys kept safe ,
That no man hath recourse to her by night .
VALENTINE
What lets but one may enter at her window ?
DUKE
Her chamber is aloft , far from the ground ,
And built so shelving that one cannot climb it
Without apparent hazard of his life .
VALENTINE
Why , then a ladder quaintly made of cords
To cast up , with a pair of anchoring hooks ,
Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower ,
So bold Leander would adventure it .
DUKE
Now , as thou art a gentleman of blood ,
Advise me where I may have such a ladder .
VALENTINE
When would you use it ? Pray sir , tell me that .
DUKE
This very night ; for love is like a child
That longs for everything that he can come by .
VALENTINE
By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder .
DUKE
But hark thee : I will go to her alone ;
How shall I best convey the ladder thither ?
VALENTINE
It will be light , my lord , that you may bear it
Under a cloak that is of any length .
DUKE
A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn ?
VALENTINE
Ay , my good lord .
[101]ACT 3. SC. 1
DUKE
Then let me see thy cloak ;
I’ll get me one of such another length .
VALENTINE
Why , any cloak will serve the turn , my lord .
DUKE
How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak ?
I pray thee , let me feel thy cloak upon me .
Pulling off the cloak , he reveals
a rope ladder and a paper .
What letter is this same ? What’s here ?
( Reads . )
To
Sylvia . And here an engine fit for my proceeding .
I’ll be so bold to break the seal for once .
( Reads . )
My thoughts do harbor with my Sylvia nightly ,
And slaves they are to me that send them flying .
O , could their master come and go as lightly ,
Himself would lodge where , senseless , they are
lying .
My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them ,
While I , their king , that thither them importune ,
Do curse the grace that with such grace hath blest
them ,
Because myself do want my servants’ fortune .
I curse myself , for they are sent by me ,
That they should harbor where their lord should be . What’s here ?
( Reads . )
Sylvia , this night I will enfranchise thee . ’Tis so . And here’s the ladder for the purpose .
Why , Phaëton — for thou art Merops’ son —
Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car
And with thy daring folly burn the world ?
Wilt thou reach stars because they shine on thee ?
Go , base intruder , overweening slave ,
Bestow thy fawning smiles on equal mates
And think my patience , more than thy desert ,
[103] ACT 3. SC. 1 Is privilege for thy departure hence .
Thank me for this more than for all the favors
Which all too much I have bestowed on thee .
But if thou linger in my territories
Longer than swiftest expedition
Will give thee time to leave our royal court ,
By heaven , my wrath shall far exceed the love
I ever bore my daughter or thyself .
Begone . I will not hear thy vain excuse ,
But , as thou lov’st thy life , make speed from hence .
He exits .
VALENTINE
And why not death , rather than living torment ?
To die is to be banished from myself ,
And Sylvia is myself ; banished from her
Is self from self — a deadly banishment .
What light is light if Sylvia be not seen ?
What joy is joy if Sylvia be not by —
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection ?
Except I be by Sylvia in the night ,
There is no music in the nightingale .
Unless I look on Sylvia in the day ,
There is no day for me to look upon .
She is my essence , and I leave to be
If I be not by her fair influence
Fostered , illumined , cherished , kept alive .
I fly not death , to fly his deadly doom ;
Tarry I here , I but attend on death ,
But fly I hence , I fly away from life .
Enter Proteus and Lance .
PROTEUS
Run , boy , run , run , and seek him out .
LANCE
So-ho , so-ho !
PROTEUS
What seest thou ?
[105]ACT 3. SC. 1
LANCE
Him we go to find . There’s not a hair on ’s head
but ’tis a Valentine .
PROTEUS
Valentine ?
VALENTINE
No .
PROTEUS
Who then ? His spirit ?
VALENTINE
Neither .
PROTEUS
What then ?
VALENTINE
Nothing .
LANCE
Can nothing speak ? Master , shall I strike ?
PROTEUS
Who wouldst thou strike ?
LANCE
Nothing .
PROTEUS
Villain , forbear .
LANCE
Why , sir , I’ll strike nothing . I pray you —
PROTEUS
Sirrah , I say forbear . — Friend Valentine , a word .
VALENTINE
My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news ,
So much of bad already hath possessed them .
PROTEUS
Then in dumb silence will I bury mine ,
For they are harsh , untunable , and bad .
VALENTINE
Is Sylvia dead ?
PROTEUS
No , Valentine .
VALENTINE
No Valentine indeed for sacred Sylvia .
Hath she forsworn me ?
PROTEUS
No , Valentine .
VALENTINE
No Valentine if Sylvia have forsworn me .
What is your news ?
LANCE
Sir , there is a proclamation that you are
vanished .
PROTEUS
That thou art banishèd — O , that’s the news —
From hence , from Sylvia , and from me thy friend .
[107]VALENTINE
O , I have fed upon this woe already ,
And now excess of it will make me surfeit .
Doth Sylvia know that I am banishèd ?
PROTEUS
Ay , ay , and she hath offered to the doom —
Which unreversed stands in effectual force —
A sea of melting pearl , which some call tears ;
Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered ,
With them , upon her knees , her humble self ,
Wringing her hands , whose whiteness so became
them
As if but now they waxèd pale for woe .
But neither bended knees , pure hands held up ,
Sad sighs , deep groans , nor silver-shedding tears
Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire ;
But Valentine , if he be ta’en , must die .
Besides , her intercession chafed him so ,
When she for thy repeal was suppliant ,
That to close prison he commanded her
With many bitter threats of biding there .
VALENTINE
No more , unless the next word that thou speak’st
Have some malignant power upon my life .
If so , I pray thee breathe it in mine ear
As ending anthem of my endless dolor .
PROTEUS
Cease to lament for that thou canst not help ,
And study help for that which thou lament’st .
Time is the nurse and breeder of all good .
Here , if thou stay , thou canst not see thy love ;
Besides , thy staying will abridge thy life .
Hope is a lover’s staff ; walk hence with that
And manage it against despairing thoughts .
Thy letters may be here , though thou art hence ,
Which , being writ to me , shall be delivered
[109] ACT 3. SC. 1 Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love .
The time now serves not to expostulate .
Come , I’ll convey thee through the city gate
And , ere I part with thee , confer at large
Of all that may concern thy love affairs .
As thou lov’st Sylvia , though not for thyself ,
Regard thy danger , and along with me .
VALENTINE
I pray thee , Lance , an if thou seest my boy ,
Bid him make haste and meet me at the North
Gate .
PROTEUS
Go , sirrah , find him out . — Come , Valentine .
VALENTINE
O , my dear Sylvia ! Hapless Valentine !
Valentine and Proteus exit .
LANCE
I am but a fool , look you , and yet I have the wit
to think my master is a kind of a knave , but that’s all
one if he be but one knave . He lives not now that
knows me to be in love , yet I am in love , but a team
of horse shall not pluck that from me , nor who ’tis I
love ; and yet ’tis a woman , but what woman I will
not tell myself ; and yet ’tis a milk-maid ; yet ’tis not a
maid , for she hath had gossips ; yet ’tis a maid , for
she is her master’s maid and serves for wages . She
hath more qualities than a water spaniel , which is
much in a bare Christian .
He takes out a piece of
paper . Here is the catalog of her condition .
( Reads . )
Imprimis , She can fetch and carry . Why , a
horse can do no more ; nay , a horse cannot fetch but
only carry ; therefore is she better than a jade .
( Reads . )
Item , She can milk . Look you , a sweet
virtue in a maid with clean hands .
Enter Speed .
SPEED
How now , Signior Lance ? What news with your
Mastership ?
[111]ACT 3. SC. 1
LANCE
With my master’s ship ? Why , it is at sea .
SPEED
Well , your old vice still : mistake the word . What
news , then , in your paper ?
LANCE
The black’st news that ever thou heard’st .
SPEED
Why , man ? How black ?
LANCE
Why , as black as ink .
SPEED
Let me read them .
LANCE
Fie on thee , jolt-head , thou canst not read .
SPEED
Thou liest . I can .
LANCE
I will try thee . Tell me this , who begot thee ?
SPEED
Marry , the son of my grandfather .
LANCE
O , illiterate loiterer , it was the son of thy grandmother .
This proves that thou canst not read .
SPEED
Come , fool , come . Try me in thy paper .
LANCE
, giving him the paper
There , and Saint Nicholas
be thy speed .
SPEED
reads
Imprimis , She can milk .
LANCE
Ay , that she can .
SPEED
Item , She brews good ale .
LANCE
And thereof comes the proverb : ‘Blessing of
your heart , you brew good ale .’
SPEED
Item , She can sew .
LANCE
That’s as much as to say ‘Can she so ?’
SPEED
Item , She can knit .
LANCE
What need a man care for a stock with a wench ,
when she can knit him a stock ?
SPEED
Item , She can wash and scour .
LANCE
A special virtue , for then she need not be
washed and scoured .
SPEED
Item , She can spin .
LANCE
Then may I set the world on wheels , when she
can spin for her living .
SPEED
Item , She hath many nameless virtues .
LANCE
That’s as much as to say ‘bastard virtues ,’ that
indeed know not their fathers and therefore have no
names .
[113]ACT 3. SC. 1
SPEED
Here follow her vices .
LANCE
Close at the heels of her virtues .
SPEED
Item , She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of
her breath .
LANCE
Well , that fault may be mended with a breakfast .
Read on .
SPEED
Item , She hath a sweet mouth .
LANCE
That makes amends for her sour breath .
SPEED
Item , She doth talk in her sleep .
LANCE
It’s no matter for that , so she sleep not in her
talk .
SPEED
Item , She is slow in words .
LANCE
O villain , that set this down among her vices ! To
be slow in words is a woman’s only virtue . I pray
thee , out with ’t , and place it for her chief virtue .
SPEED
Item , She is proud .
LANCE
Out with that too ; it was Eve’s legacy and
cannot be ta’en from her .
SPEED
Item , She hath no teeth .
LANCE
I care not for that neither , because I love crusts .
SPEED
Item , She is curst .
LANCE
Well , the best is , she hath no teeth to bite .
SPEED
Item , She will often praise her liquor .
LANCE
If her liquor be good , she shall ; if she will not , I
will , for good things should be praised .
SPEED
Item , She is too liberal .
LANCE
Of her tongue she cannot , for that’s writ down
she is slow of ; of her purse she shall not , for that I’ll
keep shut ; now , of another thing she may , and that
cannot I help . Well , proceed .
SPEED
Item , She hath more hair than wit , and more
faults than hairs , and more wealth than faults .
LANCE
Stop there . I’ll have her . She was mine and not
mine twice or thrice in that last article . Rehearse
that once more .
SPEED
Item , She hath more hair than wit .
[115]ACT 3. SC. 2
LANCE
‘More hair than wit’ ? It may be ; I’ll prove it :
the cover of the salt hides the salt , and therefore it is
more than the salt ; the hair that covers the wit is
more than the wit , for the greater hides the less .
What’s next ?
SPEED
And more faults than hairs .
LANCE
That’s monstrous ! O , that that were out !
SPEED
And more wealth than faults .
LANCE
Why , that word makes the faults gracious . Well ,
I’ll have her , and if it be a match , as nothing is
impossible —
SPEED
What then ?
LANCE
Why , then will I tell thee that thy master stays
for thee at the North Gate .
SPEED
For me ?
LANCE
For thee ? Ay , who art thou ? He hath stayed for a
better man than thee .
SPEED
And must I go to him ?
LANCE
Thou must run to him , for thou hast stayed so
long that going will scarce serve the turn .
SPEED
, handing him the paper
Why didst not tell me
sooner ? Pox of your love letters !
He exits .
LANCE
Now will he be swinged for reading my letter ;
an unmannerly slave , that will thrust himself into
secrets . I’ll after , to rejoice in the boy’s correction .
He exits .
Scene 2
Enter Duke and Thurio .
DUKE
Sir Thurio , fear not but that she will love you
Now Valentine is banished from her sight .
THURIO
Since his exile she hath despised me most ,
[117] ACT 3. SC. 2 Forsworn my company and railed at me ,
That I am desperate of obtaining her .
DUKE
This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenchèd in ice , which with an hour’s heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form .
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts ,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot .
Enter Proteus .
How now , Sir Proteus ? Is your countryman ,
According to our proclamation , gone ?
PROTEUS
Gone , my good lord .
DUKE
My daughter takes his going grievously .
PROTEUS
A little time , my lord , will kill that grief .
DUKE
So I believe , but Thurio thinks not so .
Proteus , the good conceit I hold of thee ,
For thou hast shown some sign of good desert ,
Makes me the better to confer with thee .
PROTEUS
Longer than I prove loyal to your Grace
Let me not live to look upon your Grace .
DUKE
Thou know’st how willingly I would effect
The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter ?
PROTEUS
I do , my lord .
DUKE
And also , I think , thou art not ignorant
How she opposes her against my will ?
PROTEUS
She did , my lord , when Valentine was here .
DUKE
Ay , and perversely she persevers so .
[119] ACT 3. SC. 2 What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine , and love Sir Thurio ?
PROTEUS
The best way is to slander Valentine
With falsehood , cowardice , and poor descent ,
Three things that women highly hold in hate .
DUKE
Ay , but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate .
PROTEUS
Ay , if his enemy deliver it .
Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken
By one whom she esteemeth as his friend .
DUKE
Then you must undertake to slander him .
PROTEUS
And that , my lord , I shall be loath to do .
’Tis an ill office for a gentleman ,
Especially against his very friend .
DUKE
Where your good word cannot advantage him ,
Your slander never can endamage him ;
Therefore the office is indifferent ,
Being entreated to it by your friend .
PROTEUS
You have prevailed , my lord . If I can do it
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise ,
She shall not long continue love to him .
But say this weed her love from Valentine ,
It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio .
THURIO
Therefore , as you unwind her love from him ,
Lest it should ravel and be good to none ,
You must provide to bottom it on me ,
Which must be done by praising me as much
As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine .
[121]ACT 3. SC. 2
DUKE
And , Proteus , we dare trust you in this kind
Because we know , on Valentine’s report ,
You are already Love’s firm votary
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind .
Upon this warrant shall you have access
Where you with Sylvia may confer at large —
For she is lumpish , heavy , melancholy ,
And , for your friend’s sake , will be glad of you —
Where you may temper her by your persuasion
To hate young Valentine and love my friend .
PROTEUS
As much as I can do I will effect . —
But you , Sir Thurio , are not sharp enough .
You must lay lime to tangle her desires
By wailful sonnets , whose composèd rhymes
Should be full-fraught with serviceable vows .
DUKE
Ay , much is the force of heaven-bred poesy .
PROTEUS
Say that upon the altar of her beauty
You sacrifice your tears , your sighs , your heart .
Write till your ink be dry , and with your tears
Moist it again , and frame some feeling line
That may discover such integrity .
For Orpheus’ lute was strung with poets’ sinews ,
Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones ,
Make tigers tame , and huge leviathans
Forsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands .
After your dire-lamenting elegies ,
Visit by night your lady’s chamber window
With some sweet consort ; to their instruments
Tune a deploring dump ; the night’s dead silence
Will well become such sweet complaining
grievance .
This , or else nothing , will inherit her .
[123]ACT 3. SC. 2
DUKE
This discipline shows thou hast been in love .
THURIO
, to Proteus
And thy advice this night I’ll put in practice .
Therefore , sweet Proteus , my direction-giver ,
Let us into the city presently
To sort some gentlemen well-skilled in music .
I have a sonnet that will serve the turn
To give the onset to thy good advice .
DUKE
About it , gentlemen .
PROTEUS
We’ll wait upon your Grace till after supper
And afterward determine our proceedings .
DUKE
Even now about it ! I will pardon you .
They exit .